Sharing

I don't like to share. That statement is me at my very core. I'm the oldest of my parents' four daughters, but I have always wanted to be an only child. I must admit though, I pretty much am. It's a long story that my mother would not welcome to be online. So, I don't like to share my folks and I definitely don't like to share my kids. I have to, especially since I didn't make them on my own and their dad still shows some interest...in his own way. So every year they get to spend 4 weeks of their summer with him, pretty much the month of July. It wasn't so bad at first, they still went to the same sitter and I could visit at lunch. Then he decided moving 5 hours away was a quality plan. So part-time parent turned into vacay-dad. I know they should be excited to see him, he's their dad...but grrrr! I'm the one doing 98.9% of the work, well not really, my sitter is a blessing and totally deserves a 45% shout-out. Anyway, they are literally my world and when they go...I'm lost.

I had all these thoughts in my head and wanted to put them down...turns out I started (with little effort) a blog 2 years ago. Good follow through! I should blame it on being a single mom...but that's bs. Being a single mom isn't that hard. Don't get me wrong, everyone loves a pat on the back, but being a single mom, for me anyway, is awesome!! Of course, this was not part of my plan when I got married and started to procreate, but this is how things worked out. I'm a better mom on my own! Being a woman of faith, I obeyed, being a woman of low self esteem, to my own detriment.

I don't like to share, what is most important to me. Which is a clear tell-tale sign when I opted to share my husband 4 years ago. Not in some weird, kinky, progressive way...but in the sense of 'I know he's having an affair but I don't care'. In my mind it was better than breaking up our family, in my heart it didn't matter. You can only kick your dog so many times before it runs away...well woof woof.

My boys will hopefully recognize all the happily married couples in their lives enough to respect what it means to be a husband.

Raising two boys on my own, it isn't easy...but raising kids in general isn't easy. What does it mean to do it alone...you get to make all the decisions, and all the mistakes. You get all the hugs and kisses, and all the tantrums and fighting. Can I run out to the store at night when they're fast asleep for a gallon of milk, no. Is that milk worth the hassle of having a "life boss", no way! Annnnd blah, blah, blah....marriage isn't supposed to be that way, a husband isn't a life boos. Ha, that is my experience and all I have to pull from.